do you ever feel like you've spent your whole life thinking that you will make these huge contributions, that you will be historically important, that you are special and you aren't just like everyone else....only to realize that maybe you're just deluded?
i feel that way sometimes...when i think about what i'm gonna do next with my life i start to realize that a big part of me just wants to get any non-suicide-inducing, soul-sucking j-o-b, pay off my debt (no small task), get married and have the beautiful white-blond blue-eyed babies i could only have with this amazing man i get to call "mine".
am i a traitor to my brain...? am i unsuccesful as a person...will all my male friends be disappointed in me? will my super-breeder girlfriends (or former friends, realistically speaking) be irritatingly satisfied that i am no longer of the lofty and elite academic life...and in fact no better than them (as i believe they think that I think i am better than they)?
or will i continue to not be true to myself and push myself through a postdoc because it's the only thing i can do...am i deluded to think that i could do anything else at this point? i have an idea. i think it is a pretty good idea, for a potential postdoc project. it has NOTHING to do with what i have spent the last 5 years doing. and at this point it is completely based in theory. should i find a way to do it, or should i leave it to a better scientist than i. if it is a good idea, then someone at some point will also come to it and will make something of it, right?
i should get back to thesis writing or something.
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no you are not a traitor to your brain.Many many times I want to get a easy 9-5 brainless job but then I know I won't be happy. Did you get my email about the workshop? Go to IT!!
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